How Do You Really Feel?
by hana-to-mame
Summary: Puppyshippy. Their one-sided relationship takes a nasty turn after Joey decides he won't let Kaiba take advantage of him anymore.
1. Morning Regret

**How Do You Really Feel? (A Yu-Gi-Oh! fanfic)**

**Rated: T**

**Pairing: Puppyshipping. (Joey x Seto)**

**Summary: Puppyshippy. Their one-sided relationship takes a nasty turn after Joey decides he won't let Kaiba take advantage of him anymore.**

**Chapter 1 - Morning Regret (Posted 30 June 2011)**

Joey woke up that morning like he did every Saturday morning for the past few months. Depressed. Sure, he was in a warm, soft bed and he was all cuddled up to the love of his life, but it really wasn't all that great. Because he knew it would be ending soon. As soon as the person next to him woke up, he'd tell Joey to get out. And then Joey would leave, feeling angry and sorry for himself, promising himself he'd never let this happen again. And so they wouldn't talk to each other all week and Joey would be convinced that he's finally broken free... that is until Friday night when he'd get a call from his drunken, desperate lover, begging him to come over. He'd go because he'd think maybe this time would be different, that maybe this time he'd hear the words he's been just aching to hear. Those three little words that he'd said so many times, but never heard in return. It was the same every week.

And this time, Joey was more determined than ever to bust out of the shackles that held him here. He knew he had to do something to break the cycle, or else he'd just keep coming back and letting himself be taken advantage of. He'd done his best to be patient with his lover, to wait until he was ready to admit his feelings, but his heart just couldn't take it any more. It seemed like every week, he fell further and further into a darkness that threatened to claim him if he didn't pull himself away soon.

That's why he let go of the body next to him instead of waiting for him to wake. That's why he stood and quietly dressed. He padded around the room and picked up anything they'd knocked over in their haste the previous night and placed it nicely back where it belonged. And he silently opened the bedroom door and tried to creep out before the sleeping one woke, but with his first step, the floor creaked loudly and a rustle came from the bed.

"Joey?" the rough voice sounded confused.

"Yeah." said blond answered as tears threatened to fall from his eyes. He couldn't turn to face the other boy, and he had to fight really hard to keep his voice from shaking. "I was just on my way out. I didn't mean to disturb you."

"You're leaving?" he sounded hurt. Joey's resolve wavered, and he thought about apologizing and asking what he should do, but he couldn't. He didn't want this anymore.

"Yeah. You always tell me to leave anyway. So I figured I'd get a head start."

"You don't have to go..."

"Heh." Joey chuckled darkly. "You say that now. But we both know that as soon as I walk back over there, something will click inside your head and you'll realize you never wanted me here in the first place. And you'll yell at me. And I'll yell back and we'll go back and forth for a few minutes until you tell me you hate me and I run outta here crying."

"I don't hate you."

"How much did you have to drink last night?" Joey asked cautiously. "You must still have a little alcohol in your system to be awake and saying things like that to me. I'm leaving. I'd advise you not to drink anymore, but that'd just be a waste of my time as usual. And I'd ask you not to call me anymore, but that'd be a waste too. So I'm just going to tell you that I won't take your calls. I'm not coming back here anymore. Not for this."

"You don't mean that." the other voice laughed.

"It's different this time. I can't take this anymore. You'll get over it and you'll find someone else to take my place. You won't even notice I'm gone." Joey hung his head and didn't bother listening to anything the other man might have said to him. He just left the room and closed the door behind him.

He walked quickly through the halls, feeling extremely claustrophobic as he imagined them closing in on him, trapping him there forever. But he made it to the door and ran outside, going as far as he could as fast as he could, vowing never to step foot inside the Kaiba mansion ever again.


	2. Moving On

**A/N: Wasn't gonna update this, but I already have a lot of the story written, so why not?  
><strong>

**Chapter 2 - Moving On (Posted 6 July 2011)**

Joey was sitting at the table, staring down at a cup of coffee. Yugi was sat across from him, waiting patiently for Joey to speak.

He'd been living with Yugi for about a year now. When his dad passed away, Grampa Mutou was more than happy to welcome the blond boy into his home. Joey was unsure at first, but Yugi insisted and eventually he gave in and moved in.

Yugi was also the only other person that knew of his secret relationship with Seto Kaiba.

"I left him, Yug." Joey said sadly.

Yugi gasped. "What?"

"I left him. I left... Kaiba." Joey couldn't bring himself to call him by his first name. He needed to put more distance between them, and continuing to think of him as Seto would only allow the intimacy between them to remain strong.

"I'm sorry." Yugi said sympathetically. "But I think you made the right decision."

"I know. But I feel so bad... I love him so much."

"I know you do."

"And I think... deep down... _really_ deep down, he loves me too. But... he's only willing to show it when he's drunk. It's like he can't stand the thought of being in love with me, but he still wants to be with me. And the only way he can bring himself to... act on his feelings... is to be inebriated."

"I'm so sorry, Joey."

"I thought I could help him. I _wanted_ to help him. I... I promised him I'd be patient with him and I'd never desert him. But I can't handle it anymore, Yugi. It hurts to see him like that. I love him, but it's too much for me to bear. He's never going to admit how he feels about me, and I don't want to just be a weekly fling while he goes out with girl after girl just to keep up appearances. It's like he loves me but doesn't care about me at all."

"You gave him plenty of chances to make things right, Joey." Yugi told him. "You deserve so much better. Frankly, I'm glad you finally decided to do something."

"What do you mean?" Joey finally looked up. His face was so sullen, Yugi felt like crying.

"I mean, you were always so indecisive. I know you love him, but you let him walk all over you. It was time you either forced _him_ to make a move, or end it yourself."

"You mean like... give him an ultimatum?"

"Yeah."

"I don't think it would have worked. He knew I couldn't resist him no matter how many times I threatened to break up with him. But I mean it this time, Yug. Last night... he was so drunk he could barely even speak. It disgusted me and that's when I decided it was over. He's never going to change, and if I'm out of his life, he won't have to drink."

"So what are you going to do now?"

"I don't know..."

"You're never going to stop loving him." Yugi guessed.

"No."

"You'll figure something out, Joey." Yugi assured him. "Maybe you won't find anyone you love as much as him, but you deserve to find someone who treats you right and makes you happy."

"I hope so. I'm going find someone. And I'm going to settle down and show... everyone that no one used Joey Wheeler as a door mat."


	3. Moment Of Truth

**Chapter 3 - Moment Of Truth (Posted 13 July 2011)**

Yugi and Joey were sitting by the phone. It was Friday night and they were waiting.

"Maybe he won't call, Joey. Maybe he took the hint." Yugi was really hoping he was right. He was afraid Joey might break down or do something he'd regret.

"Kaiba doesn't take a hint. He'll call, but I won't go. I promise, Yugi. I know it was hard on you to see me in such a bad state. I don't want to worry you and I don't want to do that to myself anymore."

"Ok."

They watched in silence for a few minutes. And sure enough, right around the usual time, the phone rang.

Joey suddenly felt anxious. His stomach hurt and he was shivering.

Yugi noticed. "You don't have to answer it."

"Yes, I do. I have to do this." Joey took a deep breath and picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Joey." Kaiba's voice was breathy. Joey could tell by that one word that he was already drunk and the choppy breathing that followed told him he was aroused and expecting a visit. Usually that one word would have Joey's heart racing, but right now it only served to infuriate him and give him a headache.

"I told you, Kaiba. I'm done."

"Don't be like that. Just skip the drama and come over."

"I won't."

"Joey..." Seto's voice returned to normal for a second.

"I'd prefer if you didn't call me by my first name too. In fact, don't call me anything. Just please leave me alone."

"You're serious...?"

"I'm dead serious." Joey said sadly. "I tried to help you and I tried to wait for you but you just boozed through all my effort. I can't help you, Kaiba. If anything... I only make things worse for you. You drink so that your stupid prejudices can't stop you from being with me, so you're never gonna stop. And I won't live like that. Goodbye, Kaiba." Joey calmly placed the phone back down and hung his head.

Yugi patted his back. "Good job, Joey. I'm proud of you."

"I know. This was good. But why do I feel so... sad?"

"Because you feel like you're giving up on him." Yugi said sadly. "You feel like you're giving up on all the time you spent together, trying to build a strong relationship. You feel like you're letting both him and yourself down. But you're not. You're doing what's best for both of you. Now you can move on and find someone who's going to treat you right and... you won't be giving him any false hope."

"I guess you're-"

RING RING. RING RING.

Joey glared at the phone.

"I'll get it." Yugi said immediately. "It's probably Grampa. Hello?"

"Yugi?"

Yugi sighed. "What do you want, Kaiba?"

"I... I want to speak to Joey."

"Joey's not here."

"Liar. I was just talking to him, I know he's there."

"I'm not lying." Yugi lied smoothly. "Joey stormed out of here as soon as he hung up the phone."

"Where did he go?" Kaiba sounded... worried.

"I don't know. I didn't ask, I figured he needed to spend some time alone. He's really upset, Kaiba." Yugi's voice was louder than usual. He was mad. Genuinely angry. Kaiba had hurt his friend too many times.

"If he's so upset, why doesn't he just come back to me?"

"Because you're bad for him. And you know it. You know I always respected you as a duelist even when we didn't get along. And then I respected you even more when we became friends. But I have no respect for you anymore. As a duelist or a person. You have a problem. And you _hurt_ someone you care about. I think it's just best if you leave Joey alone."

Kaiba hesitated. "I didn't mean to hurt him."

Yugi frowned. Kaiba sounded sincere. But he was drunk, so anything he said wasn't credible.

Joey growled and stood up, leaving the house in a huff and slamming the door behind him. _Well_, Yugi thought,_ at least I'm not lying about him going out now_.

"What was that?" Kaiba said regarding the slam.

"It was my Grampa. He just got home." Smooth.

"Yugi... will you tell Joey I'm sorry? I'm so... so sorry..."

Yugi sighed. "I'll tell him. But if you really care about him, you'll either just leave him alone for good or you'll work harder to show him how you really feel. Because right now... you don't deserve someone as amazing as Joey."

"I know that."

"So what's it going to be? Are you gonna back out like a scaredy cat or step up take responsibility for your actions?"

"I don't..."

"Because I'd do anything to make Joey happy." Yugi said sternly. "He's had a hard life, and you've only been making it harder. But... if you're willing to commit to it, I'd be willing to help you."

"You'd do that?"

"Yeah. But Kaiba... Joey's really stuck on this. I can't guarantee he'll give you another chance."

"God, I really messed up..." Desperate. Kaiba sounded desperate.

"You sure did." Yugi almost felt a little sorry for Kaiba. "But you can fix it. You care about Joey, don't you?"

Kaiba stayed silent.

Another sigh from Yugi. "Do you want my help or not?"

"...Yes."

"Ok. I think we should meet up and talk about this."

"Alright. Is tomorrow ok?"

Yugi shook his head despite the fact that Kaiba couldn't see him. "I think you're going to have a pretty bad headache tomorrow."

Kaiba groaned. "Tomorrow is my only day off."

"Tomorrow it is then, I guess."


	4. Meeting In Secret

**A/N: Hah. I just realized that the character listing for this has been wrong for like three weeks. I changed it just after I uploaded chapter three. It said Jounochi and Shizuka instead of Jou and Seto. Stupid computer lol. But it's fixed now, so maybe now more puppyshippers will read (and review) it? And I'm sorry it's late, I had it ready yesterday but I fell asleep :/  
><strong>

**Chapter 4 - Meeting In Secret (Posted 21 July 2011)**

Yugi was currently walking down the street to a tiny café. Joey was at work; no matter how many times the Mutous told him he was family and didn't have to work, he still wanted to. Even on Saturdays. _Especially_ on Saturdays.

And for once Yugi was glad Joey had insisted on working so much, for it allowed him to meet with Kaiba in secret. Yugi didn't really want to go behind Joey's back, but he knew Joey would probably be angry if he knew he was helping Kaiba. Joey may have lost faith in Kaiba's feelings, but Yugi hadn't.

They'd chosen the nondescript café because no one would recognize him. Yugi walked in and gave a pitiful sigh as he saw Kaiba sitting in a booth with his head in his hands. He went over to Kaiba and sat down silently. Kaiba must not have noticed him because he didn't move a muscle.

"Ahem." Yugi coughed nonchalantly.

Seto peeked up. "Sorry, I didn't realize you were here."

"It's alright. Here." Yugi pulled something from his pocket and placed it next to Kaiba's glass of ice water.

Kaiba sent a death glare to the two tiny blue circles. "What are those?"

"Aspirin. For your headache."

"I don't want it."

"Just take them, Kaiba." Yugi asked more than told. "Believe me, I know you're trying to tough it out because you feel like you deserve it, but you'll never get anywhere by pitying yourself."

Kaiba simply grunted.

"Kaiba just take the damn aspirin!"

The outburst actually startled the depressed CEO. He simply grabbed the tablets and placed them on his tongue before drinking some of his water.

"Sorry..." Yugi said, shaken by his own sudden anger. "I didn't mean to yell at you... I just... I won't let your relationship with Joey end. He loves you too much and I know that you can work things out."

"I don't think so."

"Do you want to work things out with him?"

"Of course I do. I just don't know how. I'm such an idiot."

"Why did you start drinking, Kaiba?" Yugi cut right to the chase. He wasn't here to make small talk with the man who'd hurt his best friend time and time again.

"It's not what he thinks. I know he thinks I started drinking so it would be easier to be with him, and that I only did it when I wanted to call him over... but that's not it at all." Kaiba said sadly. "I did it because... I was just so stressed out. I realized how much I liked him and I just... I lost it. I was angry at myself for not seeing it sooner. I hated myself for how I'd treated him in the past. I drank because... I already liked him so much, there was no going back and I thought I had no chance with him. I wasn't planning on calling him that first night. I was more drunk than usual. You have to understand that I just couldn't stop thinking about him and then I looked over at the phone and... my stupid mind was made up."

"So you called him."

"Yeah." Kaiba looked away.

"And he came running." Yugi guessed.

"Yeah. But I didn't expect it to end up the way it did. I didn't want... I just wanted to tell him how I felt. I just wanted to tell him I liked him. That's all."

"But a lot more happened than that."

"I had no idea he was attracted to me. I'm not trying to justify what happened, but we both wanted it."

"I know you never forced him, Kaiba." Yugi said intensely. "That's one thing Joey always said. No matter how drunk you were, you never forced him to do anything."

"I never would have done that to him. I would have killed myself first."

Yugi took a deep breath. He knew exactly how Kaiba was feeling. "I know."

Kaiba glared. "And things went on like that for a while. Fridays work ended early, and then I had off on Saturdays. I would invite Joey over with every intention of having him stay the next day... to cook him breakfast or even take him out to show him that I really did care about him... but when I woke up... I would all of a sudden realize how cruel I was being to him. Inviting him over week after week... reeking of alcohol... sleeping with him and then going back to being the heartless bastard I've always been toward him. Because I was trying to stay away from him. I thought it'd be better but it it just caused this... massive hole inside of me which, of course, I tried to fill with even more alcohol and by this point I'd admitted to myself that I was feeling much more than like for Joey."

Yugi widened his eyes and leaned across the table. "How much more?" he asked in a hushed voice.

"I love him, Yugi."

"What!" Yugi slammed his fists on the table, but continued to use a soft, if strained, voice. "You're supposed to tell _him_, not me!"

"Don't you think I know that!"

"Well why didn't you ever tell him?"

"I tried, Yugi, I swear. But... I know this is not the time to be making excuses, but try to see it from my perspective. I'd been hateful toward him for so many years. And his friends and practically everyone else in the world. And all of a sudden I start calling him on Friday nights and taking advantage of him, only to kick him out in the morning. I thought there was no way he could love me back, and I was too afraid of being rejected. And too weak to stop calling him."

"Why _did_ you always kick him out? From what I can tell you obviously wanted him to stay."

"I didn't want him to have to look at me." Kaiba admitted, slouching back into his seat.

"He also said... you told him you hated him..." Yugi wanted to know, but he didn't want to press the issue. As angry as he was with Kaiba, he didn't want to break him.

"I never said that to him. I mean... yes, I said it. Once. Only once. And it wasn't directed at him. It was directed at myself. I didn't know he was awake when I said it. I was scolding myself for being so horrible to someone I cared so much about. That was... that was the first time he said he loved me."

Yugi's mouth fell open.

Kaiba actually got a hint of a fond smile on his lips before resettling into his usual scowl. "It was our first real fight. He thought I was telling him I hated him. And right away he sits up and yells at me that he hates me too. And because I must be losing more and more brain cells every day, I told him he didn't mean it. And he said 'that's right, I don't mean it, I love you' and he walked out."

"Wow."

"After that I just... I lost whatever shreds of hope I'd been holding onto. Every signal I gave him said I didn't care about him, that I wasn't serious about us. And... I'm not good at this stuff... I didn't know how to fix it. And so... more alcohol."

"Let me guess, it just spiraled from there." Yugi closed his eyes. "You kept fighting because you were afraid to admit your feelings. He kept fighting because he knew you had more to say. You broke up multiple times but couldn't resist the thought of things magically working themselves out, so you kept calling, and he kept coming."

"Exactly."

"And it broke his heart."

"Again and again."

"And it broke _your _heart." Yugi accused.

"Yeah."

"And now he wants nothing to do with you."

"Will you get to the point!"

"Joey loves you."

"Still?"

"Still." Yugi's sad frown momentarily phased into an angry snarl.

"Why."

"Because he _loves_ you. Unconditionally. He just can't stand to be around drunks. I think he'd keep coming back to you with no problem at all if you didn't drink. He can handle anything. Except that."

"I know."

"Do you? Do you _really_ know why he can't stand it? Do you have _any_ idea how special you are to him if he put up with you being drunk for even a _second_, let alone _months_?"

"What do you mean...?" Seto really didn't know.

"Didn't you two talk at all?"

"Sure we talked. How else would we have gotten to know each other enough to fall in love?" Kaiba asked the question like it was the simplest thing in the world.

"But he never told you about his father?"

"He told me he died in a car crash while we were in high school."

"That's all you know about him?"

"Pretty much..."

Yugi took a deep breath to calm himself. "Joey's father, if you can call him that, was an alcoholic." Yugi paused when he saw a flash of pain cross Seto's face. "And I don't mean like you. You may think you're a hideous monster because you like to drink your sorrows away but you have no idea... this man was _always_ drunk. He'd pass out and wake up and drink so much he'd be passed out again less than an hour later. That's why his mom and sister left. Joey stayed behind to try and help him. But the man wouldn't accept any help. His family was all gone and his son was a delinquent, so he drank more, if you can believe it. But he didn't just drink. He would go _out_. As in driving around this hugely populated city with a blood-alcohol content that was off the charts."

"So... the car crash..."

Yugi simply nodded. "He was drunk, as usual. Passed out at the wheel. Ran a fucking red light." Yugi could feel his blood boiling as his fingers curled into fists. "Got himself killed as well as the three tourists in the car he ran into. Leaving Joey all alone and feeling like a failure."

"But, it's not his fault..."

"Of course it isn't. But try seeing it from his perspective." Yugi turned Kaiba's words against him. "He'd made it his responsibility to cure his father. And instead he ended up dying. Joey wasn't able to save him."

"Oh god." Seto held his face in his hands once again. And, if Yugi wasn't mistaken, he was sure he saw the man's shoulders shaking as if he were crying. "I had no idea. I... I knew there was something he wasn't telling me but... I trusted him. I knew he didn't want me to know so I never looked into it. I never knew... and I just made it so much worse..."

"Yeah. You did."

"Joey."

"He wanted to save you. He thought it was like a second chance for himself. Being able to help someone he loved. But he just... those feelings of being a failure and a loser came back again. And with a hundred times more force than the first time because this time he thought the drinking was his fault."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"In hopes that you'll use it to turn your sorry life around. You two love each other. And I'm not going to let anyone stand in the way of Joey's happiness. Not even you."

"I can't make him happy."

"Yes, you can. And if you pass up this opportunity, that's it. I won't help you anymore. I'll tell Joey that it's better to forget about you and I'll make sure you never see him again." Yugi said fiercely.

"You really think I have a chance?"

"Yeah."

"Why are you going to such lengths to protect him?" Kaiba inquired. "I know you're friends, but even best friends usually aren't this... extreme."

Yugi stared at him for a minute. Then he blinked casually. "I love Joey too, Kaiba."


	5. The First Step

**Chapter 5 - The First Step (Posted 27 July 2011)**

"You..." Kaiba's jaw was on the floor.

"Kaiba I know you don't believe in all that 'magic mumbo jumbo' but after the Pharaoh left, I was a mess. I couldn't stop crying. And no matter what my friends did, I just couldn't seem to get over it. They all tried to cheer me up. But Joey was the only one who'd sit me down and tell me that he'd always be by my side, and that everything was going to be ok."

"Does he know?"

"Yes, he knows." Yugi nodded sadly. "I told him just a few weeks before you started calling him. I knew he didn't feel the same way and I knew he liked you a lot, so I wasn't telling him because I expected him to return my feelings. I just wanted him to know because I didn't want to keep any secrets from him. And I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable around me if he would find out on his own. And I told him right away that I wasn't making a move, I was simply... getting it out there."

"...What did he do?"

Yugi looked like he was about to cry. "He hugged me and told me he was sorry he didn't feel the same. But he wished he did, because it would have been easier. That I was a great guy and that I'll find someone. Someday."

Kaiba finally realized why Yugi was so intent on fixing him. "So... that's why you're so angry with me. All this time you've been watching Joey willingly be hurt by me when he could have been happy with you."

"That's some of it. I'm not one to lose my temper, but Friday nights I just wanted to put my fist through the wall. But I mostly just wanted Joey to be happy, that's why I stayed out of your way. Even though you kept hurting him, the thought of being with you always put that huge, goofy grin on his face. And as much as I knew he'd come home the next day crying his eyes out or cursing your name, I couldn't bring myself to interfere because I'd just keep thinking ahead and picturing that smile again. So I blame myself for your situation a little bit."

"What could you have done?" Kaiba asked.

"I should have stepped in sooner. It may have upset him then, but it would have made him happier in the long run."

"Us breaking up, you mean."

"No, not at all. I just mean I should have offered to help you sooner."

"Oh my god, don't you go being all depressed too." Kaiba pointed at him. "The last thing this world needs is a depressed Yugi."

Yugi cracked a little smile. "Right. So, I've got a plan. You want to hear it, or do you want to sit here discussing more depressing things?"

X

Almost a week had passed since their meeting, and Yugi and Joey were sitting in the living room watching television.

Joey wasn't looking at the phone, but Yugi knew he was listening for it. But Kaiba wasn't going to call tonight. He just wondered how Joey would perceive it.

"I think I'm going to go to bed, Joey." Yugi stood.

"Okay... goodnight..." Joey said, not really paying attention.

"Joey it's already eleven-thirty, he's not going to call tonight." Yugi couldn't stand the thought of him waiting up all night.

"But... he's too stubborn to give up after just one week." Joey said, finally peering over at the phone.

"I don't think he's given up." Yugi tried to appear thoughtful. "I think he's trying to show you that he understands you need your distance."

"That's the same thing..."

"No it isn't. I think he misses you more than you think, and he's working hard to show you just how much you mean to him."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing." Yugi walked out of the room.

Joey jumped up and raced after him. "Wait, you know something, don't you! What's he up to?"

"You'll just have to wait and find out. And... when he does try to contact you again, you just need to hear him out, ok?"

"But..."

"No 'buts.'"

"Yugi, just tell me."

"Joey, you love Kaiba, right?"

Joey just frowned and nodded.

"And he knows you love him, ok? He's trying to be better. I can't tell you any more than that, you just have to trust me."

Joey sighed. "Ok..."

"Go get some sleep. I want you to be in a good mood tomorrow."

"Why? What's tomorrow?"

"Nothing."

Joey stood, gaping in confusion as the smaller boy ascended the steps to his bedroom. Finally giving up, he too climbed the stares and headed off to bed. But as he got under the covers, he began to wonder just how much Yugi knew about what Kaiba was planning.

X

The next morning Joey woke up cold and sweaty. He was nervous. He wasn't sure why, but he knew something was off.

He walked down to the kitchen and saw Yugi already down there, cooking breakfast. "Morning, Yug."

"Hey, Joey. There's something for you on the table."

Joey looked down at his usual spot and saw an envelope sitting on his placemat. "A letter? But it's Sunday. And it's blank..." Joey picked it up and turned it over, trying to look for an address or anything to say who it was for. But there was nothing written on it, t was just a simple white, square envelope.

"It was hand-delivered and I was told to give it to you. So just open it already." Yugi tried to sound oblivious, but Joey could hear the certainty in his voice.

"Fine." Joey ripped the envelope open and pulled the folded card. Something dropped out of the card and landed on the floor with a _clack_. "It's from Kaiba." Joey said as he began reading.

"Oh?"

"Joey," he read aloud, "I know you don't want to hear from me. But I wanted to give you this. Seto Kaiba." Joey scratched his head in confusion. "Give me what?"

"Probably whatever fell out when you opened the envelope." Yugi rolled his eyes playfully.

Joey looked down and spotted a small, red circle on the floor. He bent down to retrieve and inspect it. It was smooth plastic, except the edges were grooved and there was something etched in white in the center. "One week?" Joey said.

"Do you know what it is?"

"Uh... no. Is he trying to commemorate how long we've been broken up?" Joey seemed hurt.

"No!" Yugi insisted. "Besides, you've been broken up for _two weeks and a day. _You really don't know what it is?"

"Nope. Do you?"

"Maybe." Yugi turned back around and continued working on breakfast.

"Can you tell me?"

"No."

"Well, can you tell me what I'm supposed to do with it?"

"Just... keep it for a little bit. And have faith in it." Yugi said simply.

"How am I supposed to have faith in a piece of plastic?"

"The same way you have faith in little pieces of paper."

"Paper...?"

"Your deck, Joey. Just have faith in that token like you have faith in your Duel Monsters cards, ok? Just believe in it. Can you do that?"

"But I don't even know what it is!" Joey whined. "Why didn't he just tell me what it is?"

"He didn't want to say any more than he had to. He didn't want to upset you."

"Oh. Wait, how do _you_ know?"

"Um... lucky guess?"

"Yeah. Right." Joey stared at him.

"Believe me, Joey. All you need to do is have as much faith in that token as you do in your deck and don't ever let it waver, ok? If you don't believe in the power of that token, everything will be ruined."

"Ok, ok!" Joey stuffed the coin in his pocket. "I'll keep the damn coin. But this doesn't mean I've forgiven him."

"I didn't expect you to."

X

The same thing happened the following Sunday. Another envelope was at Joeys seat. He didn't wait for directions, he simply took it upon himself to open it. There was no note this time, just another red token. 2 weeks.

The next week Joey was actually anxious enough to wake up early. He came down the stairs just in time to see Yugi being handed the envelope. He didn't know what they were, and the secrecy annoyed him, but he kept thinking that if he held onto them and believed in them as Yugi said, he'd find out what they were for. 3 weeks.

The fourth week was different. The same envelope came, still holding only the token. But the token was bigger this time. And it was a light blue. 1 month.

"Gah!" Joey said, glaring at the stupid piece of plastic. "What the hell are these things?"

Yugi chuckled. "Joey, have you ever looked at the back of them?"

"The back? Doesn't it say the same thing...?"

"No."

Joey wondered how he knew, but turned the coin over anyway. And he could have fainted when he saw the two letters etched into it. His eyes slowly slid up to meet Yugi's. "If this is some kind of Joke..."

"It's not a joke." Yugi promised, knowing that Joey had finally caught on.

"He's been going to AA?"

"Yeah."

"For me?"

"Mmhmm."

"And..."

"He's been sober for a month, Joey." Yugi said happily.

"A month is nothing, Yug. It's gonna take much more than that to-"

"I know that. _He_ knows that. He just wanted to show you that he's trying. This is just the first step. He's not asking for your forgiveness right now. All he wants is for you to see that he doesn't want to lose you for good."

Joey stared at him and the coin. "What should I do? I told him I wouldn't give him any more chances."

"I think you should give him one more."

"But... you're the one who was telling me I need to forget about him."

"I was wrong. Look, there's a lot of stuff you need to know but I can't tell you. _He_ has to tell you and that's what he's trying to do. But he doesn't want to assume that you want to hear any of what he has to say. This is... sort of his way of asking for permission to speak to you."

"Yug... where do you come in in all of this?"

"It was all his idea, I swear. I was just... giving him the information and encouragement he needs. I know he didn't deserve another chance... but he's trying. He's trying so hard to be worthy of you."

"And you're helping him?"

"Yeah." Yugi looked away.

"I guess I should trust him then, if you do."

"Joey you know I just want what's best for you. At first I thought it was getting Kaiba out of the picture but I can see you're just as upset now as you were when you were with him. He's gonna do anything he can to be deserving of you, Joey. And I told him that if he screws up again, I'm not going to help him out any more. This is his absolute last chance, but that means it's also yours. So you both have to make it count. He can't do it without you."


	6. Understanding

**Chapter 6 - Understanding (Posted 3 August 2011)**

Joey was staring at the four tokens in his hand. He'd just received the fourth one earlier that day, along with some shocking news, but he still wasn't sure what to do with it.

"Hey, Yug?"

"Huh?"

"These tokens... how do you know so much about them?"

Yugi looked at his friend, not sure if he should tell him. "I go with him to his AA meetings on Saturday mornings.

"You do?"

"Yep."

"Why?"

"They say it's better if you go with someone who can support you. The only family he has is Mokuba, and he's so young. So I go with him." Yugi explained. "I guess I can tell you this. That night he called, after you left... I agreed to meet up with him and talk to him. We met the next morning, and we talked a lot."

"About me?"

"About you."

"You didn't tell him about your..."

"Yeah, I did. I didn't do it to scare him into thinking I was after you, I just did it so he could see that I understood some of the confusion he was feeling."

"I see." Joey nodded awkwardly. "What else did you tell him."

Yugi wasn't sure how to answer that question. He knew Joey would be angry with him for telling Kaiba about his father. But he didn't want to lie to him, either. "I just told him that it was going to take a lot of hard work to even have a chance of getting back together with you. And that's where the AA idea came from. He said he wanted to get sober, but he wasn't sure how. Then I brought up Alcoholics Anonymous and told him about how it worked. He even came up with the token idea all on his own."

"He really wants me back?"

"Yeah."

"As his Friday night booty call."

"No, Joey, that's not it. He wants to build a relationship with you."

"He does?"

"Yeah. He wanted to tell you himself, but it doesn't look like you're going to talk to him anytime soon."

"Wrong. I'm gonna go talk to him."

"When?" Yugi asked proudly.

"Right now."


	7. Tears

**Chapter 7 - Tears (Posted 10 August 2011)**

Standing. That's what Joey had been doing for the past twenty minutes. Just standing at the gates to the Kaiba mansion. He was surprised no one had noticed him out there. He knew there were tons of security cameras outside, and there were probably thirty people watching him from a dark room somewhere.

He had to make a move. So he lifted his hand to the big button and pressed it. "Joey?" Mokuba's voice came through the speaker.

"Hey there, Mokuba."

"Um... what are you doing here?"

"I... wanted to talk to Seto..."

"For real? He said you weren't coming back anymore..."

"He did...?"

"Yeah. Hold on, I'll let you in and then we can talk some more." A loud buzzing noise rang out as the gates swung open enough for him to walk through.

He ran up to the front door and got there just as Mokuba opened it for him. "Welcome back, Joey."

"I missed you, Mokuba." Joey bent down and hugged the younger Kaiba brother. Mokuba was only other person who knew about Joey and Seto.

"I missed you too. We used to have fun when you'd come over early before Seto got home."

"Yeah." Joey smiled. "But I have a feeling you and I are gonna be able to hang out a lot more in the future."

"Really?" Mokuba asked excitedly.

"Really. How has Seto been holding up?"

"I'm not really sure. He tries to seem happy during the day, he's been spending more time with me. But... I can hear him crying sometimes at night. He really thought we were never gonna see you again." Mokuba turned on the waterworks. "But Joey he's been trying so hard! He threw away all the alcohol and he goes to these meetings and he's really trying to be better and we both miss you so much..."

"Mokie," Joey hugged him tighter, "I know. That's why I'm here."

"You're giving him another chance?"

"Yeah."

"Thanks."

"Hey, it's not just about him, though. You know how much I consider you just like my own little brother. I couldn't just abandon you guys."

"You knew all along, didn't you?" Mokuba suddenly guessed. "You knew that walking away would be his breaking point. And that he would realize how wrong he was."

"Something like that. I never would have just left you guys without another word, you know that. I love both of you very much. I just had to find the strength to do what I needed to to in order to get Seto back on the right track." Joey told him.

"So you're back for good then, right?"

"As long as Seto stays on the right path."

"I'm sure he will, Joey. He feels so bad for hurting us. He's turning back into his old self again, he's not quite the same as he was, but... I think he needs you to make it all the way."

"I think so too. And if he's working so hard, I want to help him as much as I can. Just stay strong for him, Mokie, ok? So... can I go talk to him?"

"I don't know... he said no visitors... but then again he didn't think you'd want to see him..."

"Well if he doesn't want me to-"

"I didn't mean it like that." Mokuba said, patting Joey's shoulder. "He's just... he's working right now. But I think, if it's you, the 'no visitors' rule should be broken."

"Ok. But I've never been to his office. Do you think you could take me there?"

"Sure." Mokuba grabbed Joey's hand and pulled him further into the mansion. "It's this way." Soon they stopped at a door Joey had passed before but never passed through. Mokuba knocked.

"What is it, Mokuba?" Seto asked, sounding like a completely normal human being.

"Someone's here to see you, Big Brother."

"Sorry but I really don't want to see anyone right now. But I'll be done working for the night in about an hour if you'd like to do something."

"Seto," Mokuba said wisely, "I don't think you want to send this one away anymore."

Suddenly there was a thump and then quick footsteps before the door was thrown open. Seto stared at them in shock. "Joey."

Joey smiled. "Seto."

"Ummmm..."

"Mokuba, do you think you could give your brother and I some time alone?" Joey said.

"Sure. I'll be downstairs if you need me. And Seto?"

"Yes, Mokuba?"

"Don't let Joey go away again."

"That's... really up to him." Seto said as Mokuba shrugged and walked away.

"Hi." Joey said, eyeing Seto up and down. He looked thinner and paler than usual. But still healthier, somehow.

"Hi." Seto said, sounding confused.

"Can I... come in?"

"Uh, sure..." Seto moved so Joey could walk in. "Um... you can sit down on the sofa, if you want..."

Joey sat and watched as Seto continued to stand around, looking lost. "Seto," he said softly, "you don't have to be scared. Come sit next to me?"

Kaiba walked over and sat on the opposite end of the sofa. "I am scared, Joey. I didn't know if you were ever going to speak to me again, and I certainly didn't think it would be this soon."

Joey reached in his pocket and pulled out the tokens. "These make me very happy. Though I admit, I didn't know what they were until this morning. But it made me feel special when I found out. I knew you cared about me but..."

"You leaving almost killed me." Kaiba blurted. "I felt so horrible. You deserved so much better... you still do. And I want so badly to make you want me again..."

"You know, you don't have to sit so far away from me."

"I didn't know if you'd..."

"Oh just shut up and get over here." Joey said, taking the initiative and reaching over to pull Kaiba on top of him. "I missed you." He brought his head up a little bit to lightly touch their lips together. He ran his fingers through Kaiba's hair and when the two boys pulled apart, they were both crying. "This doesn't mean you're off the hook just yet, though."

"I know." Kaiba started to pull away, but Joey wrapped his arms around him.

"But I'm _so_ proud of you, Seto. These kinds of things aren't easy but you're doing great. And you've got me and Mokuba and even Yugi rooting for you. You just... you just gotta be strong."

"I'm trying, Joey. I really am..."

"Shh. I know. Did you really think I was just going to disregard something as monumental as this? I know I said no more chances but this... this makes it real, Seto. _This_ tells me I'm more than just a passing fancy."

"You are. You're so much more than that."

"So... I've decided to give you one last shot. If you can stay sober for six months, I'll take you back. I mean, right now, we're not broken up... but we're not together. We're sort of in limbo or something. But if you make it to that six month mark, I'm all yours. And I mean it, you can't stray even once or that's it. And afterwards, you might be at the point where a drink here and there in a social situation would be ok, but if I ever see you drinking just to drink..."

"You won't. I swear, Joey I'll never touch it again as long as it means you'll stay with me. I don't want to be like that. I want to be kind and caring and sensitive toward you and Mokuba. I won't be that disgusting person ever again."

"I believe you. But you have to prove it, ok?"

"Ok."

"You've got one month down, there's just five more to go. And I'll be here supporting you every step of the way."

"Thank you so much, Joey." Seto wore a relieved smile. "You won't regret this. I promise. And... there's something I want to tell you. Two things, actually."

"You can tell me anything." Joey said, feeling his heart pound loudly in his chest.

"Um... the first thing is that... I'd like to take you out. On dates, if you'll let me. I want to spend more time with you outside of the mansion. And once in a while Mokuba could come with, since you two are so close... it'd be like..."

"Like we're a family?" Joey whispered.

"Yeah. A family."

"I'd like that a lot." Joey said with a small smile.

"Good."

"And... the other thing?" Joey prodded, eyes gleaming with hope.

"Right. Um... Joey, I..." He took a deep breath. "I love you."


	8. Repetition

**Chapter 8 - Repetition (Posted 17 August 2011)**

"I love you, Joey Wheeler." Kaiba repeated. He was expecting Joey to gasp. Or yell that he didn't believe him. What he wasn't expecting was for Joey to start crying profusely. "Did I say something wrong?"

"Wrong?" Joey looked at him through watery eyes. "Are you an idiot? Of course you didn't say anything wrong! I love you too."

"I know you do."

"So are you just gonna gawk at me or are you going to kiss me?"

"I like the kissing option..."

"Then go ahead. There's nothing to be afraid of. If I didn't want you to kiss me, I wouldn't let you."

"Alright." Kaiba leaned down and captured Joey's lips once more, pushing him deeper into the soft cushion of the couch. "Oh, and... I was wondering if..."

"If...?"

"If _you_ would come with me to my AA meetings from now on. I appreciate Yugi doing it, but..."

"I'd love to." Joey smirked.

"Thanks."

"Is there anything else you'd like to talk about, while we're doing this?"

"Well... there was one thing... but it can wait..."

"Seto I want you talk to me. About anything that's on your mind. I'm an understanding guy. Whatever it is... I'll love you no matter what."

"Uh, ok. Well, how come... you never told me about your dad?"

Joey frowned. "Who told you?"

"Yugi."

"I should have guessed."

"Don't be mad at him. You know he was only doing it to help you."

"Yeah... but he promised... well I guess it was for the best. Maybe I should have told you. But I'll be honest, I never really had the time to get into deep conversations with you. I mean, yeah we talked sometimes when you weren't too drunk, but most of the time... you _were_ too drunk. For all you know I could have told you and you just don't remember."

That stung a little. "Oh..."

"Look, Seto... I'm not trying to rub salt in your wounds, I'm just being honest. But... I really want to forgive you, so make these next five months count, ok? Make it up to me. I know that's the only way you'll forgive yourself too."

"Ok."

"And... um... just so we're clear... you're all mine. No more women."

"I never had any women."

"Yes you did, every event you attended there was a different girl on your arm."

"So?" Kaiba said. "Just because I took them somewhere fancy, that automatically meant I slept with them?"

"Didn't you?"

"No."

"But..."

"But nothing. Joey I may have been drunk but I still only ever wanted you."

"You mean it?"

"Of course I mean it. I'm trying to build an honest relationship here, why would I lie about something like this? Did _you_ ever sleep with anyone else?"

"No."

"There you have it, then." Kaiba said, sitting back.

Joey leaned forward and rested his head on Seto's chest. "I'm glad you finally came to terms with your feelings though."

"My feelings? I loved you way before now, Joey. Before you even told me _you_ loved _me._"

"You did? Why didn't you ever say it?"

"I didn't think you'd believe me if I told you while I was drunk. So I told myself I'd wait until the next week and I wouldn't drink. But before I knew it, Friday night was there and I was drunk. So I'd wait until the next week. And somewhere along the line I just figured I didn't deserve to love you, so what was the point in saying it? And then you said it that day... and I didn't want you to think I said it just to say it..."

"Well you've said it now. And just in time, too."

"I'm so sorry, Joey. I can't believe I let things get to this point... I'm such a fool."

Joey lifted a hand to Seto's face and caressed his cheek. "This isn't the time for self-pity. You've admitted you had a problem. And you've sought help and I'm very happy and very proud. So let's just get through this, ok? I know you can do it."

"I know I can do it too. I'll do anything to earn your love."

Joey smiled. "Good."

"Will you stay with me?" Seto asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Sure."

"Thanks."

"No sex though." Joey warned. "I want us to fall in love all over again before we do that. Ok, Seto? The next time we do it, I don't want there to be any doubts or regrets or fears or anything."

"I think I just fell in love with you again right there."

"See." Joey said with a grin. "You're so silly and sentimental when you're sober. I love that. I love when me, you, and Mokuba would all play games on the floor in the living room. And that time we tried to make smoothies but you forgot to put the lid on the blender and the goo went everywhere, we couldn't stop laughing. I want things to be like that all the time."

"I want it too. And I'm going to give it to you. I swear with all my heart, Joey, you're going to get the family you deserve. I can't fail as long as I know I have you and Mokuba supporting me."


	9. Milestones

**A/N: So... this final chapter was supposed to be posted exactly four months ago... sorry about that. It's here now, though. I hope someone out there enjoyed this story even though it was kind of blah lol. **

**Chapter 9 - Milestones (Posted 24 December 2011)**

Today was the day Seto hit the three month mark with his AA meetings. Joey and Mokuba and Even Yugi have been keeping an eye on him and helping him with everything. He's been doing really good, not taking even a sip of alcohol for fear of hurting his brother or lover again.

And he was feeling exceptionally good because lately he hasn't even been getting the urge to drink at all. He could go hours without thinking about it a bit and even sit through a barrage of beer and vodka commercials without even flinching.

He was spending a lot of time with his small family as well. He took them out pretty much every day. And on days when he simply had too much work to do, they came to work with him. He was loving it. He thought he lived a life of luxury before, but there was nothing like knowing you had people who cared about you so much. It made him feel so good. He'd used the alcohol to take away the painful things. But lately there haven't been any painful things for him to get rid of. Sure he had his bad days, but why would anyone choose a disgusting liquor and a hangover over the warm, comforting arms of your lover? He was doing so well, in fact, that he was at the stage where he wondered why he'd been so stupid.

X

"Seto, you know I'm no good at these kinds of things." Joey grumbled as he tied his tie.

"I know," Kaiba told him, "and I appreciate you going with me even more because of that. But it's customary to bring a date to a function like this."

"Why do you even have to go? The negotiations between your company and theirs was made through department heads, all you did was give the okay."

"It's a celebratory gala. It's mostly for the media, to make both our companies look good. It'll be extremely beneficial for me to make an appearance. We don't have to stay the entire time, but we should go for at least an hour."

Joey sighed. "You're lucky I love you so much."

Kaiba gave a crooked but sincere smile and pulled Joey by the waist into a hug. "I know I am."

Joey rolled his eyes and pecked Kaiba on the lips. "Alright, lover boy, let's go get this over with."

X

The gala wasn't really that exciting. A few performers and celebrity appearances didn't even seem to make it extremely enjoyable. But the media was eating it up, so everyone was happy.

Joey stayed with Kaiba most of the night, not wanting to be separated from him in a crowd of up-tight rich people.

There were food and beverages both laid out on a large banquet table and being served by waiters. Kaiba managed to avoid the alcohol without even thinking about it, electing to drink the punch instead. Joey, ever the supportive lover, followed his lead and drank water.

But sometime throughout the night, Kaiba started to feel like something was wrong.

"Seto?" Joey asked, sensing his apprehension.

"Yes?"

"Are you feeling okay?"

Kaiba wanted to say that yes, he was fine. But he'd given up lying to Joey when he'd given up alcohol. So he shook his head. "No... I feel kind of... off."

"Like how?" Joey asked, putting a hand on his back. "Are you getting sick?"

"I don't know, I just..." Kaiba's face went white.

Joey noticed. "Here, why don't we get you to the bathroom." He subtly supported his ailing boyfriend to the restroom. "You look like you're going to throw up..." he observed worriedly.

"I feel like it, too." Kaiba concurred. "I don't know what's come over me..."

Joey ran his fingers through Kaiba's hair as he bent over the toilet. "Maybe you should try, you know, to get it all out. Sometimes it makes you feel better."

"I don't want you to watch."

"Well I'm not going to just leave you here..." then Joey caught a whiff of something and he stiffened. "Seto?"

"Hm?"

"What refreshments have you had tonight?"

"Just some of the hors d'oeuvres and punch. Why?"

Joey took a deep breath. "Did you notice anything about the punch?"

"You think the punch made me sick?" Seto asked, confused.

"No, I think something _in_ the punch did. Did it have a funny taste or anything?"

"I don't think so... well maybe it did at first, but..." then he realized it too. "Oh my god." he spat. "Somebody spiked the goddam punch."

"How much have you had?"

"Only three glasses. But I don't know how strong whatever they put in it was."

"Here," Joey helped him up. "I think it's time to go."

"Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Let's get out of here."

Joey helped him out of the gala, ignoring any stray stare they got on their way. "I'll drive," he said, putting him in the car. He drove Kaiba home in silence, knowing his head was probably pounding and he was thinking a lot. Once they were inside Kiaba's mansion, he helped him to bed and sat aside of him. "How are you feeling?"

"Like shit."

"I'm sorry." Joey said sympathetically.

Seto looked at him. "_You're_ sorry? You didn't do anything but help me. I'm the one that got drunk."

"Hey, I know it's not your fault." A few tears leaked from Joey's eyes. "You've been doing so well, and I'm so proud of you. I know you wouldn't have done this on purpose."

"I didn't, I swear, Joey, I wouldn't do that to you. I don't even want it anymore. I have you and Mokuba... I wouldn't fuck that up for a drink."

"I know." Joey kissed his forehead. "I know, Seto. I'm not upset with you. I just feel bad that you're in pain because some idiot spiked your punch." He wasn't just talking about him feeling sick.

"I love you, you know."

"Of course I know." Joey teased. "Come on, get some rest. You'll feel better after you've had some sleep."

"Will you stay with me? I... I really don't want you to leave..."

Joey nodded. "Sure." He stretched out next to him. "I'll always stay with you"

X

"Joey," Kaiba handed him his six-month chip with a proud smirk on his face, "I love you. I know I've hurt you, but I'd really like to make it up to you. You and Mokuba are my family, and I don't know what I'd do without you guys. So this is me officially asking you to take me back. I probably still don't deserve it, but I swear on everything that's ever mattered to anyone that I will never hurt you like that again."

"You really have to ask if I want you back?" Joey asked, tears of joy streaming down his face.

"That was the deal in the beginning. I make it to the six-month mark, and maybe then we can really be together. So. What do you say?"

Joey leapt into his arms and kissed him fiercely. "I love you, that's what I say. And I forgive you. It's been a long, hard road. But we've finally made it to a good place."

"That's how you really feel?"

"Absolutely. I have complete faith in you."

"For once, so do I." Kaiba admitted before stealing another kiss.


End file.
